The Kewl Doodz 'n' Chyx

Saving you from dull moments. Some links may be NSFW!

Posts Tagged ‘putrid’

Nauseating advert for a revolting product from a company that must die

Posted by Martin Poulter on 15 January 2009

Gid and I have been pretty much speechless on discovering this video, and the resulting blog post has been difficult to write.

This visual diarrhea emerges from the cloaca of Microsoft Research. It features a little girl WHO MUST DIE, her charming family WHO MUST DIE, and her Daddy’s colleagues WHO ALSO MUST DIE, portrayed by actors the creators of the software WHO MUST BE BURNED WITH HOT IRONS, THEN DIE (it’s morally okay because they CLEARLY ARE NOT LOVED). They all want more music in their lives, and Microsoft helps them by hurling them into a meat grinder. No, it’s less tuneful than that: by slapping donkey dicks against their faces. No, it’s less dignified than that: by herding them into camps to learn that “Arbeit Macht Frei”. No, it inspires more despair at human cruelty than that.

No, the solution they offer is a program called Songsmith, which auto-accompanies them while they sing into their laptops. Not just in one painfully generic, ear-rapingly putrid style: no, in a variety of user-selectable styles ranging from “Rock shit” to “Salsa shit” taking in “Techno fucking shit” and “Bluegrass just fucking kill me now” on the way. Think of it as homeopathic music: muzak without a single molecule of talent or creativity left in it, purified at last of any pleasure or emotional expression.

If Microsoft really want to cause this much pain to us all – and let there be no more doubt that they do – then why don’t they just cut out the middle-man and force a pineapple into the rectum of any thinking, feeling human being alive enough to experience the joy of music, art, beauty or anything else which inspires love? Pointy end first?

“Oh yeah!”

Posted in Diversions, Video | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »