The Kewl Doodz 'n' Chyx

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I have a crystal skull growing in my brain

Posted by Martin Poulter on 30 May 2009

An autobiographical post: earlier today I was at the Mystic And Earth Spirit Fayre in Glastonbury. Skeptical as I am, I’m interested enough in the psychology of beliefs to visit occasionally.

The talk on “DNA Activation and 2012” was listed as having two hosts, and the first sign that this would be a particularly weird session was that one of them,  “Chuen”, turned out to be a crystal skull, perched on a little desk along with other crystals and little squirty bottles.

The first part of the session was a talk, each sentence of which seemed to be on a different topic. From the mouth of our amiable lady presenter “Arctress” came a rush of new age and sci fi ideas, too many to recall but including:

  • Huge changes in the world coming in 2012, because of the Mayan calendar, the dawning of the Age of Aquarius (hey, didn’t that happen a generation ago? and other planetary rhythms: this is “all scientifically worked out. It’s just a fact.”
  • Planetary visitors from Venus
  • Lots of stuff about “frequency levels”, with lower frequencies being implicitly bad (outside, people were getting sunburned by high-frequency vibrations and using wi-fi on lower frequency vibrations)
  • “Sixth sense” i.e. waking up and being aware of a figure at the foot of  the bed
  • Mystical forces that were beaming thoughts into Arctress’s head
  • Numerology: “eleven-eleven” (which other people in the room murmured agreement to), 666, 999 and the fact that 9 is 6 upside down
  • Prophecy: Arctress had had visions of New York City being flattened, well before 9/11. (Perhaps she reads novels or comic books or watches films, each of which describe the destruction of New York many times a year).
  • DNA was mentioned, but that’s all I remember.

Anyway, the long and short of it was that there were going to be fourteen individuals given the opportunity to shepherd the world through the coming “quantum leap”. There were fourteen people in the room, and that was no coincidence, thought Arctress. We would be gaining new senses and new abilities as the crucial year approached. “I’m getting good value for two quid fifty,” I thought. Our transformation would include the ability to fly. My companion liked the idea of growing wings, but Arctress wasn’t sure whether it would happen that way or if we would just float upwards.

Then came the meditation, which would raise our consciousness to the right plane. I like a chance to relax, though as meditations go this became rather eventful. Arctress used a spray to defuse our “auras”, then a dot of oil on each of our foreheads to open our “third eyes”, gave us elaborate visualisation exercises so that we could see the crystal skull (or crystal “frequency”) at the centre of the Earth. She spent a while with each of us, holding of crystals against our heads to raise our consciousness to a higher cosmic (“kosmik”?) plane, and painted six-pointed stars on our foreheads in a fragrant oil (which felt uncomfortably like being licked).

Three participants needed extra time and encouragement to come back into their bodies, including one who said she felt paralysed. The mention of  “eleven-eleven” had affected her very strongly and she spent several minutes flopped on the floor.

So, I am one of the fourteen whose higher powers will save the Earth – not a surprise to anyone who has seen me dance to Sister Sledge – but it gets better. As the session ended, Arctress singled me out and asked my name. I thought I was busted: was it obvious I had come purely for entertainment? Was the strain of suppressing my giggles visible to everyone?

“Martin, you have a crystal skull in your head. Maybe you don’t realise it’s there now, but it will grow.”

“Really? Thanks.”

In other circumstances the raging pseudo-scientific codswallop would have made my blood boil, but I could only pity this person who was clearly desperate for some sort of meaning in her life, and who was talking in front of tiny audiences in a damp basement.

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