Tips for Positivity
Posted by Martin Poulter on 23 October 2008
Some tips for positivity have just been sent round work. Here with my helpful additions:
1. Refuse the Snooze — Get up as soon as your alarm goes off as a positive kick start to the day
…and get the hell away from that ugly person you woke up with. What were you thinking?
2. Wake up with an Attitude of Gratitude
“I feel like shit, but it could be even worse: I’m glad I’m not that guy.”
3. Smile at your reflection in the bathroom mirror
“What? That’s my reflection?”
4. Tell yourself that you are going to have a great day
“It’s gonna be the best funeral EVER!”
5. Challenge any negative thoughts you have and turn them into a positive
“I’m physically repulsive, but at least I’m not picking up any STIs.”
6. S.U.M.O — Don’t dwell on negatives so Shut Up and Move On!
As recommended by the FBI in 2001: “People willingly flying airliners into buildings? Never gonna happen- let’s move on.”
7. If someone asks you ‘how you are you?’ tell them that you are very well (or Wonderful…)
“I’m wonderful, thanks. Just need to get my arm out of this grinding machine. Say, an ambulance would be like the cherry on the cake right now. Could you call me one? Thanks, you’re a real mate.”
8. Smile — It promotes endorphins
…and freaks out all the other people in the lift for the whole journey.
9. Send a positive text or email to someone you care about
I did this many times, and I’ve now had a letter from Scarlett Johannson’s lawyers claiming harassment
10. Write down something to do, something to love and something to hope for
Something to do: cut myself
Something to love: the smell of fresh barbecued puppy
Something to hope for: that I get a taste of puppy before the darkness falls.
This entry was posted on 23 October 2008 at 12:22 pm and is filed under Funnies. Tagged: comedy, depressing, humor, humour, list, negativity, positivity, viral. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.