The Kewl Doodz 'n' Chyx

Saving you from dull moments. Some links may be NSFW! Personalized romance novels

Posted by Martin Poulter on 11 March 2007

Blogged in a kind of disbelief: will take your name, the name of your partner, and some personal details such as hair colour, pet names for each other etc. You also give them a small fee. They will insert your names (yes, it’s a find-and-replace) into their text to make a custom Mills-and-Boon-style novel that they print, bind and post to you. You can choose “wild” (i.e. sexually explicit) or “mild” (straight romantic) versions. Go on, read the extracts.

“[Ann] gasped her encouragement and continued her own rhythmic caress that left [John] pulsating with passion. … His fragrance, [Old Spice], filled her nostrils and excited her.”

Where does it go from here? Will men be paying to have their names pasted into Tom Clancy, Iam Fleming or Chris Ryan novels?


2 Responses to “ Personalized romance novels”

  1. tomgidden said

    I’m convinced John Grisham uses mail merge to “write” his novels.

    A young lawyer from a broken home/tragic personal circumstances passes law school at Memphis State with massive debts, a broken-down car and a snooty girlfriend. Encounters injustice by big business, corrupt politicians, or the mob. Risks everything, including his license (which he’s earned on the job). The case is corrupted in some way, by opposing (evil, moustache-twirling) counsel, and also by his own shady actions which are for the Greater Good. Heeeowge win results, but a totally unforeseen twist occurs preventing him from getting any of the money, but they made a point and stuck it to the man. The young lawyer swears never to practice law again for no good reason, and drives into the sunset in his beat-up car with his new girlfriend who he rescued from an abusive marriage as part of a pro bono case on the way, and John Grisham dives head-first into a Scrooge McDuck-scale pile o’ cash yelling Yippee.

  2. I’d like to do a version of this just using web forms: enter your own name and some other, then choose a genre of fiction and create your customised sappy romance/ rustic period drama/ Yakuza revenge story. I hadn’t thought of legal drama. I’d welcome pointers to anything I can use as source text.

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